And The Verdict Is....

This blog is dedicated to my two Angels <3

So are you ready to hear this?

• The crime: Years of judgement, fear, ridicule, worry, assumptions and LIES
• The crime scene: My life
• The motive: To scare me from being ME
• The culprit: The JUDGE (aka The Prince of Lies or Naafs)
• The punishment: Lose control of all it's power over me because I won't believe it anymore!!!

I have decided to stop judging myself for every little thing that I do. Growing up, I learned that failure was NOT an option. I was the oldest sibling and had to pave the way for myself and my sister. And through this I was taught that you can't make mistakes because if you do you are WEAK. You have to always be strong and endure every thing you come across because that is what you do. Many times, I even had to be the adult and leader in my family and take care of everyone else, mediating my parent's arguments and protect my sister from the stress of it all by carrying the weight myself. As my sister got older she stepped in and helped out, but for sometime I was a teenager helping my parents through their marriage. That's a lot for a kid to handle.

So since I can remember, I have had that voice inside my head that judges me on every thought that passes through my mind. It's the voice that tells you...you are weak, not worthy, ugly, fat, a failure, etc....the voice that locks you into a dark dungeon inside your mind and makes you feel like the most horrible thing known to ever exist. You feel that it has so much power over you and escaping it's claws is impossible. You start to fear the thoughts and wonder if they are infact true. Am I really a bad person? Can I really become who I want to be? And sometimes the answers to those questions scare you so much that you just want to cower in a corner and cry. But the ironic thing is, the judge has the power because you give it to it. We may not have control of nature, other people or anything else in this life, BUT we do have control of ourselves. We have the power to NOT listen to the judge and deflect it's poison so it doesn't slowly destroy us from inside. It may seem impossible but the only way to silence the judge is to IGNORE it. Don't believe what it says...just listen and let go. Once you stop giving it power and believing the lies it will slowly shrink away into a distant nothing.

Is it hard to do this?: Yes

Is it a lifelong task?: Yes

Will some days be harder than others?: Yes

Am I the only one that can take control?: YES

So thanks to my two Angels, I have realized deep in the core of my existence that I must accept this challenge and take on my judge in order to find true happiness from within. This happiness will lead to balance in myself and my life. It's the only way I can really be happy no matter what chaos ensues around me.

I have to give myself the chance to live in peace...despite what lies I hear in my mind or see around me. I deserve it....and I will make it happen! We think we have so much time on this earth but the truth is our lives are just a blink in the eyes of existence. I want to make the most of it and be grateful for all the love I was created with and have in my life. There's no better time than NOW...so here we go!!!!!

Khodah yeh Omiedeh Tou!!!